Team Up Ongoing Mentor Training: Development of Trust

The key to effective mentoring relationships lies in the development of trust between two people of different ages, and often of different races, socio-economic backgrounds and life experiences. Our perceptions of the world are so often influenced by these different backgrounds and experiences and all are valid. Therefore, the experience of building trust is achieved differently for each of us.

Men and women volunteer to be mentors because they want to help a young person grow and succeed in life.  Mentors are caring, giving individuals who naturally want to reach out, take a mentee by the hand and help them reach their potential.  A hug, a pat on the back, a squeeze of the shoulder are all natural ways to show acceptance and affection.  However, no child’s personal space may be entered without their permission.  Mentors need the youth’s permission, and therefore their trust, to physically touch them.  Herein lies the importance of trust in a mentoring relationship.

As we consider the varied experiences of the children who come to our mentoring program, we are mindful that many of them have experienced abuse.  What seems like a kind pat from a caring mentor can be threatening to a child who was abused and never knew when the pat would turn into a slap or much worse.  Learning to trust, especially by youth who have been abused or let down by the adults in their lives, can take time. Mentors who follow a gradual path in building trust find that they develop real relationships that are more likely to result in positive changes for the mentee. 

While many children welcome and are comfortable with positive touch, this is a feature of the relationship that needs to be developed and not assumed.  As adults relating to individuals we are getting to know, we each have our own personal space boundary that we need to have respected; this is the same with our young people. So the next time you want to reach out and hug your mentee, make sure you have established a trusting relationship before doing so.  This will show them that you respect them, that their opinions matter and that you really do care about them.