Challenging Growth: Youth Encouraging Each Other

With summer vacation comes all sorts of changes in our lives. Children have less instruction and guidance from a consistent teacher. Camps usually include way more young people than the standard classroom and those friends can change weekly or even daily. What doesn’t change is that growth continues. Young people sometimes challenge themselves to try new and different things...especially when they're interacting with older kids. Teaching children to support and encourage each other not only strengthens their bonds with others, but it also boosts self-esteem and self-image.

To start you may need to define “encourage” for a child. It means to inspire with hope or confidence; to uplift; to give support to; foster; to stimulate; spur. Ask them to discuss a time when they have been encouraged by others and how that made them feel. Ask them to think of ways to encourage others and then help them to act on their ideas. Model encouragement for them. Think of ways to actively encourage your partner/spouse in the presence of your children. Role-play with your kids and help them to choose proper words when they are encouraging others.

July 7, 2018 Four Steps Lead to Wise Decisions When your child has a decision to make, teach her this four-step process. It works for everything from choosing an outfit to wear to deciding whether to go along with the crowd. Your child should: Be aware of the choices she is making. Sometimes children choose without realizing it. Teach your child to stop and think before she makes a choice and to remind herself that she does have options. Identify possibilities. Sometimes, kids think there are only two choices when there are really many more. If her friends want to go to an R-rated movie, your child might think her only options are to attend or not. But a third option might be to suggest a different movie, or a different activity altogether. Consider consequences. All choices have consequences. Help your child think through the possible results of each of her options. Consider family values. As your child is considering consequences, remind her to take your family's values into account. She might say, "I don't care if everyone else is watching those videos. In our family, we don't watch that sort of thing." brought to you by Parent Connection Virginia Beach City Public Schools Copyright 2018 The Parent Institute, a Division of PaperClip Media Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries in mentoring relationships begins with an understanding of how they work.

Boundaries – every person has them and every person wants others to respect them. Formally establishing them however, may seem like a daunting task for a mentor trying to form a relationship with a mentee and his or her family. When setting boundaries, volunteers must consider organizational rules, personal preferences, societal expectations and the well-being of their mentees.
Young people learn about boundaries by watching adults. Youth see how we interact with others and often mimic these behaviors.  For this reason, mentors should model proper boundaries, help young people in setting their own limits and provide positive reinforcement by respecting their boundaries. Youth are particularly concerned with having their boundaries respected.  When mentors ask young people personal questions too early in the relationship, the most common response is silence.  Therefore, mentors must remember to also respect their mentees’ needs for privacy.

Having and setting boundaries are two different things. If a person has ever felt used or walked on, chances are that their boundaries were crossed, perhaps because the boundaries were not set and reinforced at the onset of the relationship. We convey our boundaries with others through verbal and nonverbal communication.

Our boundaries generally vary between relationships. For instance, consider boundaries related to personal space. You likely have people in your life with whom you are comfortable standing or sitting in close proximity, while there are others that you prefer to keep at a greater distance.
It is also important to note that we all have different boundaries. Some people have very rigid boundaries about their time, while others are rarely concerned with time. Every person has his or her own comfort level with different behaviors – that comfort level changes depending on the context of the relationship.

An added layer to the boundaries conversation is that of social and professional expectations. A person may not have strong boundaries regarding punctuality, however, in his or her professional life, that person may need to adjust to meet professional requirements for being on-time.

Mentors should also be prepared for young people to test boundaries. Testing boundaries is natural – it’s how we learn about the expectations of a relationship.  When a boundary is crossed, it should be addressed in a caring way. Young people are not the only ones who test boundaries – their parents may test boundaries, too.  It is not uncommon for parents to ask to borrow money from the mentor or see mentors as potential child care providers.

Put boundaries in place in all aspects of your lives.  It makes for a healthy relationship.

Expanding Possibilities: Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Most of us are probably familiar with the classic Dr. Seuss book Oh, the Places You’ll Go, right?  It's full of inspiring quotes and is written almost like a road map for important life lessons (risk-taking, success, resiliency, decision making and much more.)

As a caring adult, think of the ways that you encourage young people and help them navigate the complexities of life.  Do you expose them to new ideas, experiences and places? Do you introduce them to people who can help them grow? Do you help them work through barriers that could stop them from achieving their goals?  These are all ways that you help kids see their potential and expand their opportunities.

Try Pumpkin Treats for Your Mentee's Mind

Kids love pumpkins. And pumpkins are a perfect tool for teaching mentees basics, like math.
Get your child a pumpkin and have her:

• Estimate how much the pumpkin weighs.
• Weigh it, and add or subtract to see how many pounds lighter or heavier it is than her estimates.
• Figure out how much more or less the pumpkin weighs than her younger brother or sister, the cat or any household item.
• Estimate and measure the circumference (how many inches around the pumpkin is at its widest point).
• Estimate and count the number of ribs it has.
• Count and sort seeds by fives, 10's and 20's. How many stacks of each make 100? 200?

Make Your Mentee Feel Special When Goals Are Met

She did it! Your mentee learned all her multiplication tables. Or she was chosen Student of the Day for her good behavior.

Setting goals is one of the best ways to motivate children. Sometimes reaching a goal feels so good, it’s all the reward your mentee will need to keep going. But challenging accomplishments call for a special celebration.

Here are some fun ideas:

• Take a picture. Photograph your mentee as she achieves the goal. Get a picture of her crossing the finish line. Or snap a shot of her holding her completed science fair project. You could also ask your mentee to draw a picture of her accomplishment. 
• Keep a journal. Give your mentee a special “goals journal.” As she works toward each goal, have her write it in the book. She might list the goal, the date she achieved it and any thoughts she has along the way.
• Plan a special surprise. When your mentee reaches her goal, write a note offering her some small reward. It might be a trip to the ice cream parlor or a chance to invite a friend the next time you go out together.
• Make a victory dinner. Get out your good dishes. Cook your mentee's favorite foods. Decorate the table. Have a special dinner to celebrate her success.

adapted from Parent Connection

Motivate Learning by Joining Your Mentee in Reading Activities

Teens who read for pleasure have big vocabularies and strong thinking skills. They usually do well school. Yet many teens rarely pick up a book or magazine unless a teacher has assigned them to do it. Help your mentee get into the habit of reading for pleasure with these ideas: Have a reading party on a cold or rainy day. Offer to make a favorite snack. Then gather in one room for at least 30 minutes of reading time. Each person gets to read whatever she wants. Watch a movie that was based on a book. Then get the book from the library and read it with your mentee. Talk about the differences between the book and the movie. Play reading-based games together, such as Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit. You can also create your own game.

adapted from Parent Connection